Sophisticated Weapons
Brian Dewan
The weapon of the future is the weapon of today
Weapons more sophisticated than antique guns or crude bombs
Ray guns and laser beams
replace old-fashioned knives and guns
but guns will still be used for ceremonial purposes
The Irritron will emit headache producing tones above the threshold of
hearing, and low-frequency bursts once every minute like water torture
Water torture, though ancient, will come back into use because it works, is
inexpensive and garners no sympathy from the public for the subject
Mass-produced molded-plastic equipment for this practice, re-dubbed
“watering,” will be a commonplace sight and available to consumers at low cost
The “candy apple” will bring down economies
Thousands of cases of them will be distributed through a population
They are poisonous, and difficult to distinguish from ordinary candy apples
No one will risk eating a poison one, they’ll stop eating them altogether
The candy apple business collapses, hurting the orchards that supply them
The groves are abandoned, the land is worthless
Until one by one every interdependent business goes extinct
because of a deadly apple on a stick
The Car will be used as a deadly weapon; cars driving into people on the
sidewalk and in crosswalks daily. Sometimes drivers synchronized by a
station they can pick up on their car radios will obey broadcast orders to
drive into people, buildings, or blockade the highways. Cars will be banned,
the population will be demoralized by not being allowed to drive their cars
They they will be required to turn in their cars to be destroyed, and
they’ll overthrow their government for taking away their cars
The Soprano will have a wide stance and a big mouth
She could destroy a couple of hundred soldiers with one note
hammer-drilling at the atomic level, dismantling matter
Inane television shows will be aired to erode the competence and will power
of a nation, reducing them to livestock herded through corrals at fast feed franchises
Insurance, to maintain perpetual poverty
Doctors, to inflict the weapon of criminal negligence upon the body
And ball bearings, all over the place so that it’s hard to walk anywhere
without stepping on them
Visitor Control
Brian Dewan
All authorized personnel must display pass
All visitors must report to visitor control
Ramp 7
Fourth floor
Please use other door
Rest room key at front desk
In case of fire
Break glass
Please
No coffee grounds in the drinking fountain
Turn right
and then left
and then right
and right again
and then left
Sorry for the inconvenience
Prayer room closed
Use alternate prayer room at 6H-138
Doing Nothing
Brian Dewan
fools
fools
hiding under the table
under the sofa
the pussy willows
scrids
dust bunnies
that look, the idiot glare
or blunt quietude
clothes like bags, hanging or pinching
what are you doing
nothing
no one says a word, they look to one side of you and do nothing, which is
doing nothing and saying nothing
under the table
being imbeciles
it’s not polite to call people imbeciles, we call them fools
it’s no longer polite to call them fools, we call them handicapped
it’s no longer polite to call them handicapped, we call them exceptional
it’s no longer socially acceptable to say exceptional, now we say gifted
there’s nothing wrong with being retarded
that’s why they’re huddled under the table behind the table cloth
instead of taking advantage of their friends
or scheming how to oust leaders
unhappy brainiacs destroy themselves and others
wish they could be fools
they won’t be
so they destroy themselves
they’d rather die unhappy
rather than live fools